This workshop addresses a primary goal of clinical work with couples in the aftermath of betrayal: restoring relational safety. Couples affected by Betrayal Trauma typically experience a lack of emotional, psychological and even physical safety in the relationship. Clinicians and coaches working with couples in the early phase of healing and repair, must place the restoration of relational safety as the immediate goal. Problematic communication between partners is usually cited as the primary reason both partners feel unsafe in their interactions. At the same time, the communication of feelings and needs is the primary pathway to repairing the rupture in their intimate bond caused by the betrayal.

This workshop will give clinicians and coaches an effective and practical tool for couples to create and maintain relational safety by making an agreement to replace dysfunctional communication behaviors with functional, healthy behaviors. Couples learn that having disagreement is not problematic in and of itself, because they are not the same person, and each person is entitled to have their own thoughts, feelings and to have a different experience than their partner. When making agreements for safe communication, couples learn that it is okay to have respectful conflict, which actually promotes individual and relational growth.

Presentation Objectives: By the end of this session, professional participants will be able to:

• Make the case for restoring relational safety ASAP in intimate partnerships, following discovery of betrayal.
• Identify common communication dysfunction in intimate partnerships.
• Identify healthy, functional communication behaviors to replace dysfunctional communication behaviors.
• Identify the key reasons that “talking about” communication problems does not change the problems.
• Identify the reasons that making agreements increase the probability of positive change in behavior and increase perceived relational safety.
• Outline the steps for creating a Safe Communication Agreement.
• Present a sample Safe Communication Agreement. 8. Identify steps to take when an agreement is “not working” (troubleshooting agreement)

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Dr. Sandra Shachar is a Counseling Psychologist specializing in working with persons affected by Betrayal Trauma. Dr. Shachar is an APSATS Certified Clinical Specialist and Certified Imago Relationship Therapist. She brings over 40 years of clinical experience with relationship issues and trauma to her work with betrayed partners and couples affected by Betrayal Trauma. She is the author of The Porn Solution: Relationship Repair After Pornography Betrayal (Sano Press, 2023). Dr. Shachar is located and Licensed in Pennsylvania, as well as licensed in Missouri and authorized for providing Telehealth in over 40 of the United States.