APSATS | The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists http://apsats.org Training, Certification, Research & Advocacy Mon, 11 Jul 2016 17:38:39 +0000 en-US hourly 1 UPCOMING TRAININGS http://apsats.org/2016/07/01/upcoming-trainings/ Fri, 01 Jul 2016 15:28:26 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/07/01/upcoming-trainings/ UPCOMING TRAININGS TOWARD CERTIFICATIONAPSATS 4 Day MPTM Live Training October 19-22, 2016Registration is now open Our next live web-based training is coming soon! Registration is open and we are already receiving registrations! This 4 day training will take place in the Greater Cincinnati Ohio area October 19-22, 2016. This face to face training will take place at the Marriott Courtyard, West Chester OH where we have a special rate of $129 per night. Those rooms at that rate will be gone quickly, so register soon!!Register right away to make sure you don’t miss this opportunity.Requirements to attend all trainings:Professionally licensed (counselor, psychologist, social worker, medical doctor, psychiatric nurse or nurse practitioner) or graduate level student in the helping professions ORCertified life or recovery coach (certified by ICF-approved program) Students in their graduate mental health programs or coaches who are close to completing their coach trainingPastoral providers – contact us about attending.Questions? Contact APSATS at info@apsats.org or by calling 513-644-8023. Sign up today. What is APSATS?The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) is a non-profit organization dedicated to the professional training and certification, public education, research, and advocacy for treatment of sex addiction- induced trauma. APSATS is the only organization that specializes in the preparation and certification of Partner Specialists. We train and certify Certified Clinical Partner Specialists (CCPS) and Certified Partner Coaches (CPC) who subscribe to a developing treatment model that acknowledges and responds to the traumatic stress found in partners affected by sex addiction.You may be asking yourself, why should I bother obtaining more training and certification?Why Seek Certification?This certification will not only give you the ability to offer partners of sex addicts better treatment, but it will make you highly marketable. Since the release of the book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, co-authored by Dr. Barbara Steffens, president of APSATS, partners are desperate to find professionals who work from this model! Emails are pouring in asking for referrals to therapists who have been trained by APSATS. Once you receive the certification (this four day course completes the training portion of the certification requirements), your name and information will be listed on the APSATS website. Learn MoreNew Address Our new address is 8859 Cincinnati-Dayton Rd Suite 203, West Chester OH 45069. Phone 513-644-8023Join with us!Please sign up to receive regular information on training opportunities, locations, research, and advocacy issues related to sex addiction and its traumatic impact on the partner. Join our mailing list now!

Via:: Ingela Edwards

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Surviving Betrayal: Boundaries, Not Ultimatums http://apsats.org/2016/05/15/surviving-betrayal-boundaries-not-ultimatums/ Mon, 16 May 2016 00:26:21 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/05/15/surviving-betrayal-boundaries-not-ultimatums/ By DrJaniceCaudill When we first hear about setting boundaries regarding the behavior of another person, it is often hard to see how that differs from the same old ultimatum that got us nowhere in the past.
You do this or else.
If that ever happens again, you’ll be sorry.
What sets boundaries apart from ultimatums is that when we set a boundary, we are asking only one person to respect our boundaries: ourselves.
When we issue an ultimatum, we expect someone else to change. When we set a boundary, we challenge ourselves to change.
When we set a boundary, we decide what we can live with in the future and we decide how we will respond if confronted with that behavior again.
When we set a boundary, we don’t do it to punish someone else. We do it to protect ourselves. In setting a boundary, we may say: One more deception, one more affair, and I get out of this relationship to save myself and my sanity.
Notice that a healthy boundary can be set without ever saying the word you. Sometimes we don’t even have to express our boundaries aloud to another person, although to be fair we may want to tell others what the consequences of their actions may be. But we don’t have to do that. Because when we set a boundary we are not demanding that another person change.
TODAY I AM READY TO MAKE MY OWN CHANGES. I WILL SEEK THE COURAGE TO SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES AND TO DEMAND CHANGE ONLY OF MYSELF.
From Surviving Betrayal: Hope and Help for Women Whose Partners Have Been Unfaithful * 365 Daily Meditations by Alice May
Dr. Janice Caudill is the founder and Clinical Director of McKinney Counseling & Recovery. MCR offers individual, couples, group therapy, webinars, workshops and 3-day intensives for partners of sex addicts, recovering couples and wounded hearts struggling with sex addiction, infidelity, love addiction or love avoidance, intimacy anorexia, or relational trauma.
All content provided on this blog is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition, does not create a client-therapist relationship, and is not a substitute for care by a trained professional. The owner of this blog makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this site or found by following any link on this site. The owner will not be liable for any errors, omissions, losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.

Via:: Dr. Janice Caudill

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Election 2016? http://apsats.org/2016/05/07/election-2016/ Sat, 07 May 2016 20:54:58 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/05/07/election-2016/ By Dan Drake So what do you think of this election? Trump? Hillary? Bernie? What about Cruz? This is a controversial election this year, and people are expressing so many different opinions. I’m curious how this is playing out in families across the country (and world). Let me know what you think!

Via:: Dan Drake

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MPTM In Person Training, Cincinnati Ohio http://apsats.org/2016/04/29/mptm-in-person-training-cincinnati-ohio/ Fri, 29 Apr 2016 16:31:34 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/04/29/mptm-in-person-training-cincinnati-ohio/ October 19, 2016 – October 22, 2016

6250 Muhlhauser Rd

View MapMap and Directions | Register

Description:

We will have a face to face training in the Greater Cincinnati Ohio area, October 19-22nd 8:30- 4:30 PM

Register

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Partners of Sex Addicts: What are you going to do with that Information? http://apsats.org/2016/04/26/partners-of-sex-addicts-what-are-you-going-to-do-with-that-information/ Tue, 26 Apr 2016 11:26:08 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/04/26/partners-of-sex-addicts-what-are-you-going-to-do-with-that-information/ When trust has been broken in a relationship, it is a long, hard road to travel in order for trust to be fully restored. In the meantime, it may be tempting to check up on the person who has not been truthful to you. Maybe you need the validation that they are actually being honest; therefore, you check up on them to ease your fears of further betrayal. Worst-case scenario, you check up on the person who has broken your trust, find something that contradicts what you have been told to be the truth, and now you are also stuck with keeping secrets, unless you have a plan set in place that will kept you accountable for what you were going to do with that information. If you snoop around, and find something, are you leaving? Are you staying? Or does looking only set you up for further hurt, unless you are ready to do something with the information that you now have? It is a traumatizing event to discover that your loved one is not who you thought they were. You may experience intrusive thoughts, staying hyper alert to additional signs of betrayal and your anxiety may be through the roof. Complete transparency from the addicts is a requirement following disclosure. There needs to be access to all bank accounts, email accounts, social media etc. until trust is rebuilt. What if you find your spouse’s recovery workbook lying around? You may be tempted to take a peek at what is inside, as you seek to know the truth. Here is where you need to ask yourself: “What am I going to do with that information?” What if you find information that is disturbing or troubling, or quite not what you had heard “the truth” to be? Now, you are the keeper of secrets unless you are planning to admit to looking. You may start setting truth traps and asking questions to see if he/she will answer them truthfully. Maybe you re-traumatize yourself and feel additional panic attacks brewing, and for what? You only hurt yourself further. A formal disclosure session should be scheduled with your therapist and the addict’s therapist where the truth, facts and details can come out. This way, you will be prepared in advance, you get to ask for what you want to know and you have support through out the process.Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.

Via:: Ingela Edwards

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Communication Problems: How to Spot the Derailment Tactics Used to get you off the Topic http://apsats.org/2016/04/15/communication-problems-how-to-spot-the-derailment-tactics-used-to-get-you-off-the-topic/ Fri, 15 Apr 2016 18:34:25 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/04/15/communication-problems-how-to-spot-the-derailment-tactics-used-to-get-you-off-the-topic/ ​ Some people are in emotionally abusive relationships and they do not realize it. The emotional abusiveness may be is so covert that you might not recognize that it is happening to you. These tactics may be strategically hidden away, yet utilized in order to put you on the crazy train. Others are so obvious, but you could be left feeling so baffled that you lose your ability to respond. How can you spot that you may be the target of these tactics? Here are some situations that you may want to watch for:Silent treatment- your significant other may use this tactic to “punish” you by refusing to speak for several hours, or even days, then suddenly decides that the conflict is over and starts acting like nothing happened.Anger/rage outbursts- your significant other may use this tactic to scare you or anger you in order to derail the original topic from being discussed.Blame shifting- your partner could use this tactic to avoid taking accountability for something. They turn it around on you and all of a sudden it appears as if it is all you fault The other person shifts the blame with “yes, but you did …..”Switching topics (or adding additional topics in order to confuse you)- your partner immediately brings up a different topic and before you know it, you are so bewildered and confused that you don’t know what the topic was about to start with.Targeting you- immediately when you raise a concern, your significant other turns it around on you by stating that you did not word your issue correctly, you didn’t address it at the right time or your voice is not sounding the “right” way. This is the tactic that derails you right off the bat and the conversation is over before it started. There are many more examples of manipulations. So what can you do if you notice that you are actually exposed to some of these tactics? The first part is awareness and recognition that this is happening in your relationship. You can prepare yourself by writing down what you want to talk about. You can ask before hand for a time when the two of you could sit down and talk. Stay focused and do not allow yourself to get derailed by these tactics. You may have to stay persistent and be the one to bring up the topic again. With a yelling partner, you may want to say something like: ”I can tell that you are angry right now. I do want to talk to you about this, so please come back later when we can both talk about this calmly.” Keep stating this until the conversation actually takes place without yelling. For blame shifting or bombarding you with more topics, it still comes down to staying on the topic by stating things like, ”we can talk about your suggested topic at a different time, right now we are discussing X.” Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and sex addiction related issues. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.

Via:: Ingela Edwards

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Emotional Intimacy: Can we Talk About God Instead of Fantasy Football? http://apsats.org/2016/04/08/emotional-intimacy-can-we-talk-about-god-instead-of-fantasy-football/ Fri, 08 Apr 2016 16:00:06 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/04/08/emotional-intimacy-can-we-talk-about-god-instead-of-fantasy-football/ Emotional intimacy is created over time between friends, lovers, spouses and family members. Emotional intimacy is building and creating a special, deep emotional bond with another. Sharing feelings, experiences and genuine care for the other creates it. You have arrived when you feel emotionally safe regardless of what obstacle you are facing. You do not withhold. You do not walk on eggshells, and you know the other speaks their truth. Emotional intimacy develops over time when we chose to open ourselves up to truly sharing who we are and what we feel. It comes from talking and expressing deep topics, issues, concerns, hopes, wishes and dreams. It is built when we go beyond fantasy football, stock market and today’s weather report. It can be developed when sharing spiritual beliefs, expressing what love truly means, exploring our purpose on earth, and analyzing what the infinity of the universe actually means. I have nothing against fantasy football. I believe in freeing the mind at times and creating occasional escapes from the real world. I bring up fantasy football due to Hara Estroff Marano’s latest article in Psychology Today, (April 2016). The article is about gender balance in today’s society, but she points out how disengagement in relationships is increasing. She states, “ Many young men get caught in the compelling algorithms of gaming, pornography, and fantasy football.” There are so many people who feel alone in their relationships. Their spouse is physically there, but choose to instead engage in online activities that prevent emotional intimacy to grow. It is a blocker. Gaming, pornography, fantasy football amongst other activities stunts the growth and the potential of emotional intimacy in the relationship.Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.

Via:: Ingela Edwards

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How Your Defensiveness can Damage Your Relationship Further http://apsats.org/2016/03/30/how-your-defensiveness-can-damage-your-relationship-further/ Wed, 30 Mar 2016 13:03:16 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/03/30/how-your-defensiveness-can-damage-your-relationship-further/ ​When a couple is facing relationship repair following the discovery of infidelity or sex addition betrayal, defensiveness and anger outbursts can be extremely damaging to the couple’s healing. The betrayed spouse will need to ask questions in order to try to understand what has been happening or what is currently happening in the relationship. It is normal to ask the same question several times over an extended period. The betrayed spouse is seeking emotional safety where he/she thought they were safe, but found out that they were not.When a betrayed spouse approaches to ask questions, the worst thing that can happen is to be met with defensiveness, shouting or anger outbursts. This will shut down communication and halter the healing process. For the relationship survival, it is a good sign when the betrayed spouse wants to engage and discuss. It is not a good sign when they become numb, checked out or really does not care anymore.I often remind people of the saying, “Those who have nothing to defend, defend nothing.” Defensiveness only make people look like there is something hidden, that they are doing something wrong, and it creates further doubt.Couples who do the best in the recovery process are the couples who can talk, share their feelings, take accountability for their own wrong doings, continue to talk and continue to answer questions as they may arise. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.

Via:: Ingela Edwards

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Relationship Red Flags: When Your Lover is a Liar http://apsats.org/2016/03/24/relationship-red-flags-when-your-lover-is-a-liar/ Thu, 24 Mar 2016 17:39:57 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/03/24/relationship-red-flags-when-your-lover-is-a-liar/ ​If you have discovered that your lover tell lies, you may want to fine tune your intuition, reflect on previous red flag behaviors, and try to come to terms with the fact that you may have to leave the relationship if you are dealing with an emotional manipulator.I am not referring to white lies, such as stating that you like cheesecake, when you really don’t. I am referring to blatant lies. Someone telling you that they are not married and you later find out that they are indeed married, or your significant other tells you that they were getting an oil change when they were actually on a date with someone else. Those are big lies and could serve as huge red flags for where the relationship is headed.Often, people who can’t walk away when discovering these big lies are already emotionally invested and attached to the other person. When you are emotionally invested, you may not want to see reality. You may be so shocked and devastated that you turn a blind eye to the lie. You may start minimizing the lie and make up a story of why the lie was not so bad or hurtful.People who are good liars are typically really smooth talkers. They may keep on denying what you already know is the truth. They may tell you that you are overreacting. They may give you a made up explanation of why they didn’t tell you the truth to start, or they may tell you that that it was some else’s fault that they lied.Lies in adult relationships are not a good thing regardless of the “explanation”. Once a destructive lie is told and discovered, a path of mistrust is created. It is damaging to the relationship. It can be paralyzing to realize that you loved one is a liar. Give yourself some time to process your thoughts and feelings, get back in touch with your intuition, as it will help guide you. A relationship can survive if the lies end permanently and a lot of work is put into making the repair work to rebuild trust. In cases of pathological liars and sociopaths, you may want to start thinking of an exit plan for yourself and packing your bags. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.

Via:: Ingela Edwards

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Is Your Spouse a good Companion? Are you? http://apsats.org/2016/03/15/is-your-spouse-a-good-companion-are-you/ Tue, 15 Mar 2016 17:08:27 +0000 http://apsats.org/2016/03/15/is-your-spouse-a-good-companion-are-you/ When assessing and discussing marriage, people talk about how compatible they are, but the question: “Is your spouse a good companion?” seldom arises. When it does, people often talk about their spouse being a good parent, good sports coach to their kid’s team or being a good cook etc.What is a good companion? It would probably be defined differently amongst people and the criteria would also differ. Some people say that a good companion listens, is willing to talk, shares interests with you, is honest, reliable, kind, thoughtful, and respectful, just to mention a few. As you think of this, what comes up for you? As you make your mental list of what makes a good companion, now take a look at your spouse and yourself. Are you a good companion? Do you take interest in what your spouse does or is interested in? Does your spouse do the same for you?In cases of addiction and intimacy anorexia, you are not going to be able to be a good companion at this time. Addictions and Intimacy Anorexia draws you away from people and robs you of the ability to create emotional intimacy. People stuck in an addiction focus mainly on themselves and how to feed their addiction. It’s only through the recovery process that the person with the addiction can learn to honest, open, empathetic and eventually become a good companion. Addiction recovery focuses not only on sobriety, but also on how to become a better companion by targeting empathy building and emotional bonding.Marriage is complex and many factors have to work well in order to maintain a connected, loving marriage- companionship is certainly one of them. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.

Via:: Ingela Edwards

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